Random Thoughts of a Confused Guy...

New Blog Site

2006-01-26T13:47:00.000-08:00

I will now mostly be using this site...check it out:

http://homepage.mac.com/adamlogan83/Home/

Christmas Time...

2005-12-27T12:46:00.000-08:00

Festive Friends
Originally uploaded by AdamLogan.

Just a quick note to all of you who sent cards, presents, money, etc. I appreciate it. I had an awesome Christmas with my parents and sister, and I am leaving tomorrow to go skiing in Santa Fe, NM with Allison and her family. This year has gone by so fast, and I have done so much. 2006 will bring along a lot of changes: Kate marrying Justin, graduation, real world job, etc. I look forward to it all, and I look forward to staying in touch with all of you. Have a great New Years, and a great 2006.

Family...

2005-11-07T18:20:00.000-08:00

DSC01643
Originally uploaded by AdamLogan.

A quick thought for the night. I am attempting to do anything possible to not study...but I am forcing myself to after this post.
Life has been really busy, and the main consequence for me in this area is not being able to spend as much time as I would like to with my family. I miss just hanging out with them; not having to focus on special events to see them all of the time. I guess this is what happens as you get older in life and the distances grow between you. I just want to be able to overcome them, and I know I will.
Hi to all my relatives, and those who aren't also.

Missing Sweden...

2005-10-31T21:38:00.000-08:00

Cross in Viking Church Cemetary
Originally uploaded by AdamLogan.

So, I know that I have been poorly updating this ever since I have been put back into the hectic world of Oklahoma and OSU. It really is strange how when you have too much free time it is a bad thing, yet when you don't have enough you long for it. Never can find the happy median.

This week has been crazy already...and it is only Monday. We finished all of homecoming last week. For those of you who have never been to an Oklahoma State University homecoming it is hard to explain the work and time that goes into it. Being part of the greek community requires that we build these things called house decks. What is a house deck you might ask? I'll tell you what it is: a 20 foot tall by 100 foot long mass of metal, motors, tissue paper, molded sculptures, lights, sounds, etc. that are put up by teams of one fraternity and one sorority. Sounds stupid right...you got it. But it does bring over 70,000 people into the small town of Stillwater, Oklahoma to view the decks, parade, and booths. It also is a coveted award to win best house deck. The whole process started as soon as the last one ended with planning, drawings, schematics, etc. I will save you the rest of the details except for what I was responsible for. It was a leprechaun that was supposed to move a total of four feet up and down. The object itself is a screen of chicken wire with small pieces of tissue paper, called pomps, stuck into it to make a rather amazing looking figure. We had to build from scratch a motor configuration, track, and pulley system that would move the thing. So, over the years I have honed my welding, chain working, motor configuration to be pretty good at it...and this year it worked of about 90% of the 6 or so hours it is displayed. It was such a strain on everyone, especially those in charge of our entire deck, and thousands of man hours later we were not awarded anything except a big check to cover the costs for materials. It is a big part of OSU and here our homecoming is considered the largest in America.

On another note, after all of that craziness I have two tests and a huge marketing research project due this week. Why do I bring this up? I bring it up because around 3:OO am this morning, while studying, I was hit with a longing to be back in Sweden. Back somewhere different, somewhere that still amazes me. I think about the opportunities I had and all that I did and it just blows my mind. Everyone I met there was amazing...and I never thought I would want to do it, but I want to go back. I want to have the excitement of traveling to places I have never been basically on my own. I want to be able to go off by myself and not really have anyone to worry about for the moment and to get lost in the surroundings.

It is extremely hard to explain the feelings I get when I think about the times there, and I guess that is what makes them so special. I have found thought, that in my job searching and interviews it is really paying off. Not many people do these things, and I have a lot of fun impressing the recruiters with stories and such.

Well, that is really all I have for now...but hopefully I will be able to do a better job of updating this from now on. For all of you, have a great day.

Political Life

2005-07-21T13:37:00.000-07:00

Senator John Edwards and I
Originally uploaded by AdamLogan.

Exploring the life of politics is quite the different world. I am working for one of my good friends on a campaign for Dan Boren. We are fundraising and doing financial stuff for his '06 campaign for the US House. I have been to many fundraisers and other types of meetings and just gotten to know the business a little bit. Pretty crazy, and hard work sometimes. This week I got to meet and take this photo with John Edwards. Quite the speaker, and quite the layed back guy. Spoke a lot about the missions of Democrats and the poverty problem we have in America. Good topic, and one that is not always recognized by the US.

On Other news...Stillwater comes in 1.5 weeks. Moving in about 3 weeks early for school. Going to fix up the house, hang out with friends, and party it up a little bit. It will be good to get back in the college swing again. Luckily my friends and 3 roommates of the house I am going to be in are going to be there also. Plus, Allison will be up there too, although she will be really busy with rush events for her sorority. Well, here is to one last year of the college life...how I don't want to let it go.

Summer in the US...

2005-06-18T11:46:00.000-07:00

At Smitty's Bar...
Originally uploaded by AdamLogan.

As you may have guessed, I have been extremely busy since I have returned. Mostly with meeting up with old friends and hanging out with family. But, a little work here and there on a campaign also. It is good to be back, and once I gather my thoughts again I will begin posting on this once more.

Paris...

2005-05-24T03:13:00.000-07:00

Bad Attempt at Group Photo
Originally uploaded by AdamLogan.

Ok, so Allison and I are officially back from Paris. She actually just left on a plane back to Philly. I cannot tell you how bad I wanted to be on that plane too. But, I only have about a week left until I am home. It is pretty crazy that these 5 months are almost up, and that I am about to be home with family and friends again.

Paris was actually quite amazing. We got to see almost everything in the city in the 5 nights and 6 days we were there. The food was great, and I have a new respect for baguettes and French cheese. The Eiffel tower at night was amazing, and the lines to get to the top were also. Got to see my little from my fraternity there also. It is such a small world, and his hotel was only half a block away from ours. 300+ photos later we made our way back to the plane and back to Stockholm. I was sad to see her go, but saying goodbye to her for 1 week is a lot easier than 5 months.

I have officially become a great traveler. I know exactly what to pack, how to pack it, and what to expect when traveling. Plus, the fact that I can navigate as well as I can within different countries is scaring me. These are just some of the things that I have learned and experienced since being here. Hopefully one day I will be able to come back and see the rest of Europe, but for sure not for 5 months.

Eight days until I get home. I will be counting the days, and maybe you will be too. Thanks again for all of the emails and such while I have been here. They were always capable of putting a smile on my face and a feeling of home in my heart.

Sun...

2005-05-11T08:51:00.000-07:00

Sunrise on Baltic Sea
Originally uploaded by AdamLogan.

As I sit in my flat at 9:50 pm I am just about to start my last work on my thesis here. It is odd to stare out of the window and see the sun still going strong, refusing to let the night take it under. Sweden has become even more of a foreign land lately. It is very disorienting and misleading to see the sun still up at 11:00 pm, and to not see it truly set at any time in the night. With the rebirth of full light again at around 3:30 am, the birds come alive and it is as though they do not realize that the night which they are so used to was not truly there, and the one in its place was short and half-hearted. I do see why Sweden comes alive in the summer. Now that the lake has fully melted and the last snow piles are disappearing into the ground, the everlasting sun is quickly turning everything green, and the sights are beginning to show what they truly can be. Although the summer sun is by no means hot here, the warmth and brightness is a welcome change from the long nights and days of snow that have only just now gone away. It is a mere three weeks until I return home. Thinking about how today I have been gone for four months is strange. Obviously there have been days where I think that coming here was not the best. But when I think of what I have seen, the people I have met, and the cultures that I have experienced in real life I realize that it was a wise choice. Missing everyone from home was necessary, for if they were here this time would have not been the same. It is odd to think that I have actually seen, done, and been a part of the things I have read about, the things I have watched in movies and tv. It makes me want to travel again. Not necessarily to live away from home, but take the time to go to places where you can get lost in something that is totally new, something that keeps you on your toes in that it has no reminders or feeling of the everyday comfort that home can bring. I am about to go to Paris, a place that I never thought I would go. I cannot wait to see the history, the lifestyle, and the art of a town that is alive in these aspects and does not truly want to move into the future and forget where it has come from. So, for these next 21 days or so, I am going to soak all of it in for one last time. I am going to find the camaraderie in the friends I have met, who I may never see again. And hopefully when I return home I will be able to incorporate everything I have learned and experienced here into my life. I just hope I am not too different, or maybe I should be hoping that I am.

Lucky...

2005-05-08T12:06:00.000-07:00

Beauty and the mess. Been listening to a lot of Nickel Creek lately, and the song by that title can really grasp my attention at times. Like we have everything that we want in our lives, but with the good comes the wake. There is usually another side to everything that happens in our lives. But, what would help us put the good into the perspectives we have unless the bad was there to help. You could never feel what you do in love, friendship, family, etc. if you did not have the other side of the spectrum to compare it to. There is always a side of emptiness that can fill you, darkness that can become light, and hunger that can eat you. These are the things I think of. If I did not make mistakes in my life, why would I try hard to succeed. Why would I put my thoughts and my heart into something if I did not realize what would happen if I failed? Luckily, my life has been filled with more positive than negative, actually a heavily weighted positive. I am what I am because of all of the good things I have been given in my life. Sure, I have failed here and there, had a few missteps in my life that have eventually led me to where I am now. But, I would not choose to take any of these steps back. I have never regretted anything I have done in my life, for to regret you forget what you have received even through the bad experiences. So I ask myself, how have I been so lucky...how can I not regret anything and be in the places I am now. I know the answers to this question lay in my friends, family, and experiences. Everything I have done in my life has affected me, and everyone who has had the briefest impact in my life have shaped me into the person I am today. So, for those of you reading this thank you. Thank you for putting your faith into me and my actions. Thank you for never doubting me and for always supporting my decisions. I owe more to you than I could ever express or repay, and I will keep on living as I am with you in my thoughts. For, through good and bad there have always been the constants of your relationships with me. With these, I will always be able to see the beauty through the mess.

Home

2005-04-30T07:20:00.000-07:00

Oklahoma Sunset
Originally uploaded by AdamLogan.

Well, looks like I only have about 32 days or so until I get to grace Oklahoma again. Just thought I would remind everyone so you can all be extrememly happy that I am home.

Tonight we are going to brave the cold and the rain to go down to the lake for a typical Swedish celebration, welcoming the first day of May. There will be large bonfires on the ice that is still semi-covering the lake. Should be interesting, for it is going to include some choirs singing as well.

Do you ever find yourself in moods that you cannot explain? I know I do sometimes, and one of those times is now. I have no reason to be in a bad/down mood, but I am. I have been cleaning and doing little things around my place to keep me busy, yet I cannot seem to get my mind off of what is making me feel this way. Oh well, at least I can put on some music and read this book I am reading to forget about things for a while. Never thought I would find myself reading as much as I have been here. But, I guess sometimes when you have nothing to do, and you find yourself alone, a book can be a very welcome friend.

A Map

2005-04-27T05:02:00.000-07:00

"I wish the world was flat,
like the old days,
and I could travel just by folding the map.
There would be no distance
that could hold us back."

~Death Cab for Cutie "The New Year"

So, my computer access has been cut off severly lately. The university here has redesigned their IT netword so that outside computers can no longer connect through the network cables. Major set back. Now I just have to use the computers here...blah. Anyways, not going to be able to blog with photos much anymore since these computers are so far behind I cannot load the proper stuff to do it. Just ate lunch with a dean of Mount Allison University in New Brunswick, Canada. Pretty interesting talking to him about what he needed to tell his exchange students who came to Sweden. My thesis development has been coming along well, and with around 50 pages now is becoming the behemoth I never wanted. But, I still have time to mess around on the net and read...so that is good. Just finished Blow Fly by Patricia Cornwell...not much to say for it actually. But, now I am excited because I have started reading The Rule of Four and already starting to like it.
Still sitting in isolation sometimes has kept me up on the self-realization that I have noticed here. Being alone is the best time to search yourself, and I have had plenty of opportunity for that. With the sun rising now around 4:30 am and setting around 10:15 pm I have a lot of adjusting to do. The sun brings out the energy of Sweden, and you can literally see the Swedes gravitating toward it. Welcoming the rays that have eluded them for the past four or five months. As it gets closer to midsummer and me leaving, I will get to experience the sun more and more. I think I like the idea of that a lot better than only having four hours of daylight in the winter. Where is the median?

Wise Old Owl...

2005-04-24T03:44:00.000-07:00

Rocks of the Baltic
Originally uploaded by AdamLogan.

"The wise old owl stood on his bed,
the more he heard the less he said.
The less he said the more he thought,
just how many could be bought?"

~Unknown

I have found this quote in the most peculiar place. It was in a Esquire magazine on artwork by Ralph Staedmon. He did not recall where he had heard it, but I thought the meaning behind it was very good. We just have to listen sometimes. Step back from all of the talking, constant noise of the new world, and commotion of everyday life. We have to listen to what is truly going on. What is it that we are really experiencing, and how is it that we are supposed to interpret it? It may tie to the overused question of 'What is the meaning of life?' But, what is it that we are listening for. Are we listening for an overwhelming voice that is secretly telling us what we are destined to do, to accomplish? Or is it that with the advance of listening we can truly hear the clarity in life? It may be a combination of the two: one leading and one silently contemplating what to make of it. These premonitions are to be what guides us, but often we are too deaf to make the message out. I hope that some day I will be able to hear the messages clearly, and be able to revel in the silence that will allow the path to come forth. These are the messages I constantly think of, but I have somehow missed most of them. Confusion is part of life, and mostly a decision I make to not see the obvious way I am to go. But this confusion also makes for my life to be a constant change. It allows me to never be in a rut, never underestimating the challenges of life and the opportunities have been granted. Without this silence, I would never question what I was to do. I would live every day knowing exactly what it would bring. Miscommunication, even within your own thoughts, makes life what it is. I am glad that sometimes I am wise and listen, but my mislead confusion is what I live for.

P.S. As of today there are only about 39 days until I get home...I cannot wait. Miss you all and hope to see you all soon.

Birth Day

2005-04-20T07:24:00.000-07:00

So today I turned 22 years old. This seems very old to me, because I can remember when I was younger and I would think that someone who was 22 was so grown up. Although I have increased the year notch on my life, I do not feel any older really. I am still a kid at heart, try not to take things too seriously, and just have fun in life. So, thank you for everyone who has recognized my birthday. I really appreciate all of the calls, emails, cards, and gifts. They are just another piece of you all that I can hang on to here.

The Sea

2005-04-14T11:10:00.000-07:00

Old Swede Pondering the Sea
Originally uploaded by AdamLogan.

So, a long trip to an island on the Baltic Sea brightened my weekend. It was so beautiful there, even though the sun was misleading. Still somewhat chilly, but enough sun to make you think it was safe to swim. And the still waters of the harbor-type area were great to reflect the slowly moving clouds across their mirroring surfaces. One of those places you see and lose your train of thought, a place you want to explain but cannot find the words.

This has been my first post in quite a while, but typing has not been my top priority. Working on a thesis here has caused me to type about 20 pages in the past week or so. It has caused me to stop writing also, mainly because of an overload of unwanted subject writing/reading. But, I will attempt to get back in the routine I was before. Helping me to release some of these commentaries floating around for only me to know.

As of today I have about 48 days or so until I get to embrace the US again. I have had fun here, but the urge to come back has begun its growth into an overwhelming longing for familiarity. I want to come back to the life I have left behind. Granted, it will have been for only five months, but that is five months from a world I was becoming very content with. It is hard to realize the extent of what I have right now. Pieces I never saw being complete are falling into place, and my path is becoming more clear. So, when I do return I will once again return to figuring out what it is that I will become. Except this time I will have a few more pieces of unexpected experiences to throw into the mix.

Imagine...

2005-04-06T06:42:00.000-07:00

Light through the trees
Originally uploaded by AdamLogan.

Snow! Snow, again! Yes, just when I thought the end was here, and here to stay, I was awoken to the lovely site of more snow falling this morning. So, the only response I could make was to close the curtains abruptly and step into the shower. And, by the time I left to travel to campus I was relieved to see no more snow falling and that which had was melting quickly. The weather here has not been good lately, more bleak than usual. But, I see the future coming...and hopefully it will be bright and without snow.

I finally purchased a ticket to come home, after way too much searching and deciding. And of course, I am coming home at the most popular time for Europeans to travel to the US...leading to nothing more than higher fares and greater restrictions. As of today, I have about 55 days or so until I grace the land of the free again. How much of a shock it will be to step out into the heat of Oklahoma and the life I left behind.

I suffered a great setback in entertainment two days ago, and my iTunes music application on my computer flat-lined. Normally this would be an easy fix, but I spent significant nerd-time on it to fix the problem. And two days later it is back in business. I guess this shows how much music has been incorporated into my life, and maybe how big of a nerd I truly am. But I am back in the groove and jamming once again to the likes of Kings of Leon, The Arcade Fire, Bright Eyes, and many more.

I have been thinking a lot about imagination. My inspirations for these thoughts have been my recently acquired movies: Finding Neverland and Ray. These movies were both based off of true stories, true stories about men who went to their limits to live their imaginations and express them to others. Now, both men went about it in totally different ways, with different rewards and repercussions along the way. But, it has made me see that my imaginative thoughts are even more important the than the level I had already applied to them. I am not quite sure what it is that I see in life, what I can imagine for myself and my future choices. But, I do know that i want to find that one thing. That one thing that drives me to the brink, drives me to do whatever I can to see it fulfilled and incorporated in my realities, not just my dreams. I am searching for this, an aspect to help define the man I want to become and the actions I will be required to take. I do not know what it is, but I guess that is the imaginative part. Imagining something is not to know the entirety of it, but the spirit of it. Now I will strive to find this spirit, the one which is right for me. A spirit that will make me restless, tired, crazy, and so much more to one day lift all of these weights of my shoulders and reveal something I could never imagine. But, that is the point of it, follow you imagination and it will lead you somewhere that you could never have fathomed, never even dreamt.

No Sleep...

2005-04-02T00:27:00.000-08:00

As I sit in my dark, quiet flat I realize that sleeping in too late is not as good as one may think. I have only been up for fifteen hours and it is almost 5:00 in the morning. Tonight I made hamburgers for my exchange student friends, and we had a good time talking and then watched Along Came Polly. It was probably my first time to watch an English spoken film with English subtitles. Much easier for my friends to understand who do not speak English as their first language. After they left I realized that I did not even have a hint of being tired, and thus I was left with an uneventful late night with not much to do. These are the times when I find it quite lonely here, but unlike Stillwater most people in Sweden do not stay up until three or four in the morning. With the coming of spring here I am finding understanding of why people live in Ostersund, Sweden. If not for the perfect skiing conditions during the winter, the beauty of summer is already showing. The locals are acting in totally different manner, and people are outside enjoying the sun and above freezing weather for every moment it offers. Snow is disappearing, with grass showing in some areas. More green is to come, and once the lake melts the area around its shores will be breathtaking. April has come faster than I would have thought two months ago, and hopefully my schedule will remain busier and May will soon be here. I have experienced a lot of things here, most of which will change my outlook on life and even me to some extent. But, I am ready to come home when June hits; ready to return to my friends, family, and usual routines. I miss the wide-open roads of Oklahoma, and I miss one of my favorite stress relievers. Being able to get in your car, put in a favorite cd, and drive off with no intentions of where to go, just getting away. For now I will settle for grabbing my iPod and a coat and setting off for a walk down a street that I do not know exactly where it goes and really do not care. It is just one of those ways that you can forget about what is troubling you, left only to worry about how long your strides are, what type of animals and people you might see are, and how you exactly got to this point in the first place. And sometimes it is just to walk, not thinking about anything and getting lost in your steps as you move as if you are not really there. Being here has also helped me realize even more the things I take for granted, the small parts of my life and who I am that make my life what it is. Like they always say, you really do miss the small stuff when it is gone. Another hobby that I have taken up lately is the art of magazine motifs or collages. When you have nothing to decorate with, you have to resort to the cheap and temporary ways. I consider myself a skilled clipper, cutter, and arranger of magazine photos and pages now. My walls are becoming more and more covered by this temporary art, and I like the way that the works are developing. I even have a black and white wall that pretty damn cool. I was told a joke the other night by a Swede that was harsh, but so true. What do you call someone who can speak three languages? A tri-linguist. What do you call someone who can speak two languages? A bi-linguist. And what do you call someone who can only speak one language? An American. It is by no means a new joke, but it could not be a better picture of the reality in the US. We do take for granted the fact that English is almost a global language; I just wish that we would all be forced to learn another language. The guy who told it to me could speak three languages: Swedish, English, and Spanish. Not an easy task, but if I could change one thing I would have stayed in Spanish in high school and maybe now I could be somewhat close to fluent. Oh well, I guess I could always take another language up now...but I am just a lazy American, right? I have considered the fact that I should now call this "blog" of mine simply psychobabble. The thoughts and words I write here are by no means great and profound realizations of any academic matter, nor are they artistic and beautiful to glance at. But, they are a way for me to take the million or so thoughts that I ponder on and put them out in the open. Take it or leave it, and if nothing more it is at least a way for me to help myself clarify some things. So, if you find yourself reading this I thank you, and I ask you to not take anything I say to serious. For, I am not a guy who lives his life in a serious mode, and I love nothing more than my skill of laughing at these messes I get myself into. It makes for a much better time, and we do not have a lot of it so I shall take mine with a laugh and not a sigh. I miss you all and love you, and I promise to keep posting nonsense on here for at least myself to read. Hell, gives me something to do.

P.S. Read Tokyo by Mo Hayder. Good mystery with a lot of detail built in.
I should send her a bill for that subtle plug.

Obsession...

2005-03-29T06:02:00.000-08:00

Snow Covered Mountain
Originally uploaded by AdamLogan.

So, I have just discovered a new obsession in my life. I held out for so long, not falling under the mystical spells of peer pressure and popular actions. I saw my obsession everywhere, yet I did not indulge it until this Easter. I am talking about "The DaVinci Code" book. I began the book slowly, carefully bending back the cover and first few pages. Then, I was sucked into a world of fiction and facts that has kept me up late the past night...too late. So, at 4:35 am this morning I cursed the book and its author. How could this preempt me to stay up so late, knowing I had to get up early? That was remedied this morning when I woke up earlier than expected and began reading again. Paris and Rome are haunting my thoughts, with Priory Sion legacies floating through my mind and making typing this post almost unpleasurable. I have found the obsession with the code, and now I go to read more. Hopefully, I will just be able to finish it tonight and spare myself another restless, lonely night. Oh the horrors of literature.

Scream...

2005-03-25T05:08:00.000-08:00

Scream...
Originally uploaded by AdamLogan.

Sometimes, I just feel like screaming. I don't know why, and it is not always a bad thing. Today I felt like this because it is getting warm here. That is a good thing, but not the melting snow that is a direct result of it. Have you ever seen five months of snow melt quickly? It is not a pretty sight, and is even less enjoyable when you have to traverse the muck to get anywhere. On the other hand, I saw the first bug I have ever seen here today. It was just your typical moth thing, but represented all of my hopes that spring will come soon. In the past two days I have slept something like 24 hours. It may be due to the fact that I was not sleeping much at all lately, but it may just be because I am really lazy. Who knows? I do know that I have also been having some crazy dreams. Now, it is usually not like me to remember my dreams, but I have gotten pretty good at it lately. And let me tell you, the craziness in my dreams only makes me wonder more of what I am exactly thinking. When all of these things add up what can you do? You can scream, you can yell for no reason, but for every reason imaginable. So, scream to let yourself release these crazy moments, you might find it really helpful.

Listen here...

2005-03-23T07:45:00.000-08:00

New Hair Do
Originally uploaded by AdamLogan.

Does anyone else owe their saving grace a thank you? I do, and I am about to thank them right now. I want to thank my music, or just music in general. All of the bands, solo acts, instruments, beats, etc. that are a pleasure to hear. I listen to anything, and I appreciate it all. You see, I myself have no musical talent and therefor I respect anyone who can take a vision in their head and translate it into song. I constantly have music on in my life; either as the center of attention or simply the cover of the silence. This silence is not comfortable for me, and I would much rather have my life filled with notes drifting in and out of me as I drift through life. It is odd, when I am down, unlike most people, I like to listen to depressing music. I guess I can relate something to the words, move something deep inside my mind with the music. I also attempt to make songs apply to my life, relate to some event that has happened. It gives the good music a little more of a connection, thus creating a great song experience. I love Radiohead, Gavin DeGraw, Coldplay, The Arcade Fire, Bright Eyes, The Format, The Shins, country (reminds me of home), and anything that makes you think. Anything that takes you and puts you in the music...makes it an experience rather than just an observation. Something, that when I drive in the summer with the windows down makes me stop for a second and think about what I am doing. Think about how right then and there I feel as if nothing can touch me. I lose all sense of reality, forgetting the things that worry me outside of my new found freedom. And, music that you can listen to when you are watching people. Loud enough to drown out everything else, letting you only see their simple, silent motions and facial expressions dance to the music. I wish I could make music; writing it, singing it, and playing it. All with the ability to put the passion and thoughts into the notes, revealing yourself through song. But, for now I will just have to do with taking the thoughts and experiences of others into my head. Although, I feel I can mold these into what I represent...mold my own life into the bars, playing on each note. Thank God for music, and thank music for my surrender from the real world in track moments.

British Fanfare

2005-03-23T03:08:00.000-08:00

Tunnel Vision
Originally uploaded by AdamLogan.

Returning through a massacre on the scale of mass hysteria, I finally arrived home to Ostersund this morning. Spending time in London was great, but even better was getting to see even more friendly, familiar faces. After the parents left on Saturday I went to London to hang out with my friend Daniel Brauer and his girlfriend who is studying there, Jess. We had a good time, walking a lot and seeing a lot. We ate good food, drank some good beer and wine, and just got to tell stories of what has been happening in our three very-different-at-the-time lives. The highlight of the trip was going to see The Producers in a London Theatre. Very excellent play, funny, witty, and satirical beyond all others. I got to meet some British people, and they were all very nice to me. Getting my hair cut in the SOHO district was good too; even came with a British Colin Farrel to do it. London is a very beautiful city, even the ugly parts. The dark building facades mix with the haze of the city and the people to make a unique environment. The touristy parts are busy to the point where it is noticeably bothering, but an escape to the back streets reveals the more human side of London. I would not mind living in London, and I see myself going back in the future. But for now, Cheers London...take care mate.

Familiar Visitors

2005-03-18T08:16:00.000-08:00

Family Pose on Ice
Originally uploaded by AdamLogan.

Coming to the end of the Logan Family Invasion of Sweden tomorrow. I have been having a great time with my Mom, Dad, Sister, and her boyfriend; seeing site, eating great food, and just talking about things. It was very good to see familiar faces, and it has served as a good break from the unfimiliar surroundings I have been in for the past two months or so. Stockholm, Trondheim, and Ostersund have served as the adventure grounds, with a plethora of new things to experience. From dried fish dinners, three meters of snow, frozen lakes, mountains lining the North Sea, and Viking churches to sleeping in noisey rooms, wearing as many clothes as possible to stay warm, riding trains all over Scandanavia, and talking about everything. These past ten days have been a lot of fun, and I am sad to see them go. But, two months and I will be back to the States, and back with my family and friends. For now, I will just keep exploring on my own, and talking to myself a lot.

Sleeping to Dream

2005-03-16T13:50:00.000-08:00

I have noticed lately that when I am sleeping I feel that I am the most open to things in my life. I see all sides of everything that I dream of, helpless to choose which one to follow or partake in. I always seem to see things that I think about a lot during the day. Those situations where I am slightly confused or hesitant towards when conscience, and when I am asleep more open to an obvious path. I understand where each aspect of the situation could be implemented and the consequences of these actions. But, when I am awake to the world once more the skill is lost. My directions become faded again, obscuring the path to an easy decision with desired rewards. Why is this? Am I simply making up these key aspects of the situation in my dreams, seeing two or more sides but sides that I had already predisposed as the desired results. Anyways, I know that sleeping does not always clear my head. I do not always wake refreshed and ready to tackle the next obstacle to come my way. I sometimes wake even more confused than before, worn from the thoughts floating in and out of my grasp all night. It may be due to the fact that I sometimes feel as though I am drifting through life half awake. Or is it half asleep? Either way it appears that I am not always fully in the environment, not fully involved in the decisions I am making. I will always be able to press on, guessing whether what I am feeling is real or not. Trying to make sense out of actions for which I do not know if I am fully involved. Having to be on my toes just to reach the base level of this set of decisions I am faced with. At least now I feel I am doing an alright job, with only the occasional drop of the ball. But those drops are what helps me stay sane. It is what helps me come back down to earth and be able to come full circle. Full circle to the place where it all started, pondering them as I drift into sleep. If only I knew what to do with the plethora of thought in my dreams. Knew how to distinguish the quality from the quantity; for now I will just dream and hope for the best. If I fail, there is always the next night.

Wondering

2005-03-11T14:56:00.000-08:00

So, I have decided that this world is not an easy place to understand. I feel that I have always known this, but recently I realized that I have absolutely no idea what I am doing, let alone what the rest of the world is attempting to do. For example, why is it that snow is so beautiful when it is freshly fallen. But, after a warm day the ground, cars, store entrances, and even people are covered in this black film. Do we have to always have a negative side to every good action that comes along in our lives? Or something that I have a little more experience with, leaving to take somewhat of an adventure. The possibilities of growth and excitement are rampant in these travels, but the journeys also lead you away of what you have had in the past. Granted, the objects left in the past could be better off forgotten, but what about the ones we hold close to our hearts, those responsible for who we are. Those, you have to hold on to. You have to go out of your way to be able to intertwine them with the new strands of life you have grasped. You do move on, whether you want to or not; you move on to a new person. It may not be totally noticeable on the outside, but we are forever changing. In result, I guess, life is just something you always have to be attempting to define. But, I honestly do not think anyone has come close to this realization. Whether it be by failed attempts at understanding, or simple fear and hesitation, life will always be a mystery. One that can slide by slowly, keeping you up at night and making you weak from the constant pondering. Or it can flicker past like a blip in your memories; barely noticed, never recalled. So, I guess I will go on, trying to figure this whole thing out. Although I don't think I ever will, and I am not bothered by that at all.

Frigid

2005-02-24T04:27:00.000-08:00

So let's talk about some cold weather. The past three or so days here it has been at the all-time high of -25 degrees Celsius. I don't know if anyone else has experienced this weather on a regular basis, or had to walk in it due to not having a car, but it is no where near fun. Yesterday, I actually saw Swedes hopping up and down to attempt and stay warm; this my friends is not a normal sight. I also made the brilliant choice of buying a flower, to attempt to brighten up my flat and I guess my feminine side, at a local flower shop. It was in a pot and had two big orange blooms on it. By the time I managed to get it home I placed it on my table to notice it had changed in appearance a bit. Imagine a plant so frozen it forces the water out of itself. Now, I do not know if this is possible, but the thing was dry as a bone and the blooms were only noticeable by the dirty orange petals left pathetically hanging. Once again, at 9:30 this morning it was abnormally cold also, in fahrenheit it was -4 degrees when I left to go to the bus stop. Thank God for busses, and for heaters, and for warm coats. I shouldn't, but I do resent hearing about the warm weather at home. And even when it is cold there, it would be warm to me. So, my parents, sister, and her boyfriend come in exactly 14 days. I couldn't be any more happy. It is a strange connection with Americans, one you cannot find with people here, and with it being family on top of that, it will be an exciting and great time. I have recently switched courses to where I will be able to come back actually around the beginning of May or so. But, due to prior planning I have a trip to Helsinki, Finland at the first of May and also Allison, my girlfriend, is coming on the 16th. But, I will be home about two weeks earlier than I thought, and I couldn't be more happy about it. Although, I have recently begun having a better time here, it is still hard to leave family, friends I have lived with and seen every day for the past 3 years, and a relationship. Thank you all for the support you have given me so far, and keep up with the emails, etc., even if I am rude and do not return them immediately. Hope all is well.

Skiing and Cleaning

2005-02-19T05:30:00.000-08:00

So the past couple of days have been excursions on one topic each day. On Thursday I went skiing on the island Froson off of Ostersund in the frozen lake. It was pretty cheap, and we skied all day long pretty much. 5 hours, with two breaks for some water. There were actually only two runs on the mountain, and one of them was a simple kiddie slope. I went down the more difficult one something like 55 times or so. I didn't fall all day, until I decided to talk to one of the German girls who went with me. I was talking to it about her, then I went down the steepest part of the slope. I had been down it many times before, but this time I went really fast. I was cutting left and right, then I cut left and skied right over my pole that was still stuck in the ground. I immidiately took flight, face first, and land on my chin in the snow. It was actually a pretty tough fall, and I couldn't bite together at first, but now I am fine. I do have a bruise/scrape on my face though. So that was Thursday. That night I watched the movie Grandmom and Aunt Linda sent me, Alien vs. Predator. It was actually pretty good, then I went to sleep and slept in until around 12 or so on Friday. After I woke up, I realized that my flat was disgusting. So, I spent 4 hours cleaning it up, 4 hours! That should give you a good idea of how gross it was, since it is incredibly small and it took me that long to clean it. Last night after I was done cleaning, I went over and hung out at one of the German girl's place while correcting another German girl's English essay she had to write. I am quite the commodity when it comes to grammar and spelling corrections. Today I am just going to shop a little around town, do some grocery shopping, and also go out to dinner with some friends. I still miss you all, and cannot wait for my Mom and Dad to come with Kate and Justin, it is going to be fun.

Back from Germany

2005-02-14T06:25:00.000-08:00

So, the last five or so days were quite a blur. I started my journey to Hamburg last Tuesday, taking a train for 2.5 hours to Sundsvall to stay at Alicia's to catch an early train in the morning. We actually stayed up all night, then walked the 45 minute walk to the train station at 5:50 am because it was too early for the buses. Got on the train to Stockholm which took 3 hours or so, then waited for a bus that would take us to the airport. Since we were flying RyanAir, it flies out of airports in the middle of nowhere, and we had to drive on the bus for 1.5 hours. We got there 45 minutes before it was to leave, walked in, showed our passports, and then boarded with 10 minutes left with everyone else. That is how they do it, last minute, cheap, and fast. Flew for 1.5 hours to Hamburg, got off and once again did not have to go through customs or anything, that is what happens in the EU. We then had to run to catch another bus that took us to Hamburg central, another hour ride. Once we got there, we had to take the subway to our hostel, which we got lost trying to find. We finally got to our hostel, walking for half an hour or so in circles, in the rain. We had a room with just us two and two bunk beds, so that was nice. Went back into town and bought tickets for our train to Berlin the next day, and then we also ate dinner. We toured the old red light district of Hamburg, although now it has arcades, bars, pubs, and dance places as well as the ever so prevalent strip club. We also got asked to come into the Scientology church, where they gave us a whole routine with electric balance in the body...weird. Went home and went to sleep. The next morning it was finally not raining. We packed up and checked out of the hostel, went to the train station and put our bags in lockers. We then proceeded to tour the entire town on foot. We saw churches, bombed sites from WWII, museums, etc. and capped off our tour with a historic dungeon trip. Or so we thought, it was actually a historical dungeon trip/haunted house with actors in German. So, we spent 1.5 hours in that and I understood maybe 10 minutes. Ha. We then went to Berlin, got there and got lost again. This hostel was quite hard to find, and we honestly could not communicate with anyone...oh yeah, did I mention it was raining again? Broke down and got a cab, got checked in, then set out to explore. We first went to the Sony Center, which is this awesome set of high-rise buildings with this dome thing on it. Lots happening there, and we stayed around for a while. The Berlin International Film Festival was going on also, and there were events all over the place. We set out to find this Radisson, because it has the world's largest aquarium, and we both wanted to see it. Couldn't find it that night, so we finally went to an Irish pub and ate a good dinner and drank some good German beer. It was called Oscar Wilde's, and it was themed off of the writer. Stayed until late and then got a cab home to meet our roommates Yota and ____. They were a Japanese couple who couldn't speak any English and we had to share a room at the hostel with them. It was all good because we never saw them, except for in the morning when he would wake up at 6:30, make as much noise as possible, and continue to do so until 8:30 or so when we would wake up. I have no clue what he was doing. Friday was the day of all days. Alicia and I probably walked 10 miles or so, and we saw 15 or the top 20 things in Berlin in the lovely sun. Finally, a day with no rain. The architecture, history, meaning, and size of the things in Berlin was amazing. I have a bunch of pics and plan to put them on today or tomorrow. My favorite thing from Friday was the Reichstag, or the building where most of the historical things in Berlin have happened. We walked all over, stopping now and then for coffee or lunch to rest our legs. I even went in the world's largest department store, and let me tell you they are not lying when they say that. I could have been in there for a day and not seen the 250,000 + items that are in there. That night we ate in the Sony Center and had a great dinner and got to watch all of the people walking around. Saturday we were awoken once more by Yota, and his girlfriend who we affectionately called Chewie as a cheap Star Wars reference. The rest of the day we went to the East side of Berlin, got to see all of the Museums, we actually didn't go in any since we wanted to be able to see everything, and we got completely poured on with the rain. We did however find the aquarium next to the Berliner Dom, a humongous protestant church that was beautiful. We saw pretty much everything, and even made it to the Hard Rock Hotel. Hung around the rest of the night and shopped some...needless to say we were exhausted. Left Sunday morning to embark on the travel of all travel. It involved:

1 subway train
2 trains
2 buses
1 airplane
1 taxi
and a lot of walking. Got back here today since I had to stay in Sundsvall one more night due to no trains going to Östersund, and I am ready to go home soon and go to bed. I had a great time in Germany, but it was exhausting...possibly somewhat like this post. Sorry for it being so long, miss you all and love you. Guton Tag.

Hamburg and Berlin

2005-02-08T01:55:00.000-08:00

Quick post since I have to do some school work before I am able to leave for Germany tomorrow. Leaving tonight to travel to Sundsvall and stay at Alicia's until tomorrow when we train to Stockholm and then fly to Hamburg. We are staying one night in Hamburg, then training or bussing down to Berlin. Staying two nights in Berlin, then coming back to Hamburg for one more night and then flying out to Stockholm on Sunday. Should be a lot of fun, and a lot of Hostel experience. I bought a backpacking backpack yesterday so I can fit all of my stuff into one bag, I like it and plan on using it when I get back to Oklahoma. Still waiting to get my packages that are on their way, I think the Swedish Postal System is not the best and takes quite awhile. Well, post when I get back from Germany and keep looking at my pics. Oh, and I have discovered that staying busy and traveling makes Sweden and my time here a lot better. Just think, my mom, dad, sister, and Justin are coming in a month.

To the Arctice Circle

2005-01-31T07:28:00.000-08:00

So, I can now say that I have been inside of the Arctic Circle. Never thought that I would ever be able to say that, but I can now. We left last Thursday night at 9 to drive the 12 hours to Kiruna, Sweden. We stopped at the sign where they have an Arctice Circle display for an hour for the bus driver to rest. I got out with all of my winter clothes on, but only jeans, to take a picture. It was about 5 in the morning and when the wind hit me all I could think of is how people live where it is this cold. All around are trees covered with snow and more snow on the ground. I thought about how people had been living there for hundreds of years, and I could just not fathom it. The sami, the native sweden people, still live sometimes how they lived then. In teepees and taking care of reindeer while being nomadic. Crazy to think of how cold it has been and how they have managed to live through it. I went to the Ice Hotel the day we got there, and I was amazed. However, I was expecting the impossible fake hotel of ice they had in that one James Bond movie. Once I got inside I really enjoyed taking photos of everything and thinking about how it would all melt one day. The artists that make the sculptures and even just the structure are quite talented, because they have to take into acount this ice holding for four months. They told a story of how they cut the ice out of a local river since there is less air in ice from a moving river. The ice one day was -30 degrees celcius, so was the outside temp, so the workers had to heat the ice in plastic wrapping to -5 degrees so they could store it without having a dramatic change that would crack the ice. They had to heat the ice because it was too cold! Anyways, the Ice Hotel was awesome, we also saw the worlds largest mine. They mined iron ore and it had been working since 1800, but now all of it was remote controlled and done by robots. Pretty high tech, but the tour was pretty boring. Reindeer were everywhere, on the roads and forest sides, and also in the town center for a race. The town had 20,000 residents, most were involved in the mine, and they also had quite a few sami residents. The samis had the reindeer races and it was quite interesting. All in all, there were only a few things to do in the town and outside of it as well. I don't know how people can stand the bitter cold there, and I don't know how they can stand the summers where they have 24 hours of sun a day for 100 days. It is a different type of person, and I have just discovered that I am not one of those types.

Cöld!

2005-01-23T07:36:00.000-08:00

Well, lets talk about cold weather. It had not really been that bad here until today. I think it was something like -9 or -10 degrees centigrade and we decided to take a walk down to the lake and see what was going on there. So, when we get down to this oddly frozen, humongous lake it gets even colder. Then we decide to take a walk out on the lake. By the time we get about 200 meters or so out there it is downright brutally cold. The weird thing is that this lake is the fifth biggest one in Sweden, probably bigger then Tenkiller or any Oklahoma lake that size or so and it is completely frozen. I don't mean thin ice, I mean ice that you could stand in the middle of the lake and have a tank dropped on it and it wouldn't go through. Crazy! Other than me freezing today, things have been going pretty good. I have been spending a lot of time with the other exchange students. There are 6 German girls, 1 Polish girl, 3 Italian guys, 1 Spanish guy, 2 French guys, and 1 French girl. Those are the ones in my classes and in this exchange "class". They are all pretty nice, except some cannot speak english that well. It has been interesting communicating with them and attempting to figure out Swedish things together. We have been partying a lot, since I only have class three times a week and only for about an hour and a half each of those times it leaves a lot of down time. We have been going to the bars here and I have met quite a few people there that recognize me on campus and in town now...I guess you could say I was making Swedish friends. Everyone has been nice, although hesitant at times to speak english to "the American", I think they feel as if I am going to criticize them on their english skills. Class is easy, I have only had one of my two classes twice, and it moves along at the speed of a 3rd grade class for me since half of the time the teacher is trying to find the right word or asking me if it is the correctly used english word and/or spelling. Getting better at typing ön a Swedish keyböård, although at times I have to look and find what symbol I am wanting since they are moved around. Hope all is well, I am attempting to put some pictures up on my site here at school, but I have still not completely figured out the internet situation at my flat. I love you all and I really do miss you, just trying to keep busy to keep my mind off of it. Have a great week and I will be updating more frequently, so keep checking.

Östersund

2005-01-17T02:15:00.000-08:00

So I finally made it to my school's town, Östersund. My flat, as they call it, is basically a cabin for two but I am the only one who lives there. It has four fold down bunk beds, a kitchen with stove, oven, and fridge and sink, a bathroom with a miniscule shower, and a table with four chairs and a computer table. No tv, no telephone yet, and hopefully I will soon be able to get on the internet there. The girls that are taking care of me are extemely nice, and I have my first class today at 3:15. It is hard to type on a Swedish keyboard, for there are 3 extra letters, åöä. So, it moves all of the things around. I have figured out how to ride the bus here, and even rode it to a party the other night. The people are nice here, it has two streets of small shops and cafes, and there is snow and ice everywhere. Today it is +4 degrees celcius, don't know what that is in F, but it is not too cold. Keep emailing and calling, my phone over here is +46 076 8100823, and to call from the U.S. I think it is 011460768100823. Lots of numbers. I am walking around a lot more, and eating less because the food is a lot more filling. So, hopefully I will be in a lot better shape when I come home. There is also a swimming area near me, so I think I will start swimming laps. I miss everyone, but I am staying busy to keep my mind off of it. I will write later, hej då, or bye bye in Swedish. ~~Ädåm

Stockholm

2005-01-12T13:30:00.000-08:00

Well, here I am. I finally have made it to Sweden, and now I really have no idea what is going on. I left OKC Jan. 11th around 12:30 p.m. cst, flew to Detroit, had a three hour layover there, flew out of Detroit at 7:oo p.m. est, arrived in Amsterdam at 8:15 a.m. Jan. 12th Amsterdam time. I had an hour and a half layover there and then left at 10:00 a.m. for Sweden, where I arrived just after noon, Swedish and Amsterdam are in the same time zone. I got off the plane, got my luggage, walked through customs not receiving anything on my passport or actually being stopped at all. Go on a train that brought me to the center of Stockholm, paid a cabbie to take me two blocks because I didn't know my hotel was so close, checked in to the hotel and immediately took a shower after contacting my parents. Crazy days! I went to the U.S. Embassy on a bus, that I missed the first time I saw it, to get my passport stamped if it needs to be and to register there. They were closed, you can only go inside from 9-11 a.m. I then realized that it was dark, I looked at my newly changed Swedish time watch and it said 4:30 p.m. Are you kidding me, it was already dark. So, I rode the bus back, got off in this shopping district and walked for about a mile through this shopping street. I only went into a few stores, most of it was clothing stores and I wasn't in the mood. I eventually found my way back to the hotel after stopping for a gyro, that was aweful. I can't get over the fact that I am paying 42 kronor for a stinking sandwich and a drink. It is only like 6 dollars, but it still makes me think that I am getting really ripped off. So I came back up to my hotel room, tired and more tired. This jetlag is making me edgy. It is 9:40 pm here, I have slept for 3 and a half hours here, and I am still tired. Now I am making the executive decision of whether I should force myself to sleep now, good idea, or staying up to get on schedule with Sweden time. I think I am just going to sleep until tomorrow. I am going to go hang out with some girls from OSU and one Sweede I meet in Stillwater last semester tomorrow. We are going to do all of the touristy things, which I am excited about, because they already did all of the shopping stuff today. I leave you to attempt to get my body on a Swedish schedule, it's going to be on it for a while. Love you, and miss all of you already.

Return from Tulsa

2005-01-02T22:09:00.000-08:00

I just got back today from a trip to see Allison in Tulsa. It was a lot of fun, and we went see Meet the Fauckers last night. Her sister and some of her friends went and saw it with us. I stayed in Tulsa for the night, and today on the way back I had plenty of time to think of the events to come. Sweden is coming fast, the thought of packing is slightly stressing, only to be outdone by the thought of having to say goodbye to friends, my girlfriend, and my family. I want to be able and experience all of the aspects that Sweden and Ostersund have to offer, but I do not want to lose any of the experiences and practices that are happening now. How will it work, I can't tell you, but I am going to make it work. I am going to stay in contact with everyone I can here in the states, experience everything that I can in Sweden and travel, and grow as a person to surprise myself even more. I am so lucky for everything that I have in my life now, and I feel that this opportunity is going to give me even more to cherish. How am I so lucky?

New Blog

2004-12-18T16:44:00.000-08:00

So I am setting up a buch of things to keep me in touch with everyone while I am in Sweden. This is going to be a blog site that I can report my happenings and get to stay in touch with all of my friends and family. I came back to Yukon for the break today after a long time of cleaning my apartment. My sister and mom and dad are here and we are all just getting ready to watch Elf. Hopefully I will be able to stay up with this blog and keep it going. We'll see.

Adam